By the Way

Last night I dreamed some extremely weird things. So I thought I'd share them with you. You probably don't care about them, but it's my blog. Heh heh.
So I dreamed I was burnt to a crisp by some insane teenagers but I was still hanging around as a spirit. No one could see me but I could still manipulate physical objects, hear everything anyone was saying and whisper stuff to people that would influence their thinking. So at one point my sisters were very distraught that I was gone so I peeled back some wallpaper (I don't know) and laid out two Japanese fans that had particular meaning to us so they'd know I was still there. They got the message but were still sad.
So then I stole a purple SUV and drove it the wrong way down a freeway on-ramp. The police were quite surprised when they pulled it over, let me tell you.
At some point I reached out to pet my beautifully groomed, warm, sweet, fluffy little dog (who has been dead for about three years) and woke up because I was patting the mattress.
I am so weird.
Tomorrow I shall wax philosophical. Today I am going to list some of my pet peeves. Just 3 of them.
1. People who leave seconds on the microwave. Come on. Is your life so incredibly busy that you couldn't wait the remaining two seconds? And the "clear" button is SO CLOSE to the "start" button. Sometimes they even TOUCH. Just push it. You'll like it, I promise.
2. People using my pillows. It's just disgusting. I have no idea where you've been. You might have strange and unnatural things living on you. Even if you didn't I wouldn't want you on my pillows. It is for this very reason that I use two pillowcases on each pillow. Heck, I know where I've been and I don't even want ME on my pillows.
3. People who think they know everything. Have you ever had a conversation with a brick wall? Or a turtle? Or perhaps a lemon? I would rather spend the rest of my life speaking exclusively to one of the aforementioned items than speak to someone who "knows" everything about everything. Seriously, even if you DO know everything about everything, don't ruin the fabulousness of self-discovery for everyone else. And if I say something incorrect, or even something you just SUSPECT might be incorrect, just let me bask in the glory of my incorrectness for a while. I'll figure out the correct answer eventually. I just love Wikipedia. ;)

Balatron

So the night before last I woke myself up laughing because of a dream I was having.
I can't remember most of it. The part that made me laugh myself awake, however, was a speech my mom was making.
In it she referred to sex as "the poo."
I'm not sure it would have made laugh in real life but it was dang funny in the dream.
Last night I woke myself up lecturing myself to stop talking.
I think my blog has been aptly named.
That's all for today my lovelies.

Boonies

Happy Saturday!
I have happily spent the day watching the first season of Glee!. I like this show. The vocal arrangements give me goosebumps.
I also went to Walmart.
I hate Walmart.
I'm not one of those people who thinks Walmart is inherently evil or anything, I just hate how huge and warehouse-y it is.
And it always seems to have an inordinate amount of people with hygiene issues.
As a result of this rather boring day I have relatively little to blog about today.
I mean, I could ramble for a while because I'm great at rambling, but I'll spare you this time.
Just this time.
:)

Babbling

This is a tree in Oregon. Someone put two eyes and a nose on it. Why? I have no idea. But I found it funny. So there you go.

(I have decided that on Fridays I am simply going to post a picture that I find funny. Humorous anecdotes are strongly encouraged.)

Bed-ridden

I hate being sick. I especially hate colds.
So I went home to Texas for Spring Break and had a great time for the most part. Can I just tell you that my sisters make everything more fun? (My brothers-in-law too, but only one was there this time.) We can do almost anything and have a great time. We can wrap ourselves in blankets and watch Harry Potter, occasionally beating each other up, or play Rock Band, or play stupid computer games while listening to the radio, or get pedicures while reading the subtitles to Avatar. Anything is more fun with my sisters. That's just how it is. But I digress.
One of my lovely sisters brought me a present. I'm not sure which one it was so I can't name names. But it was one of them. I'm sure of it.
The present was not a nice present.
It was a big fat ugly cold disguised as an allergy. Do you want to know what happens when you try to treat a cold with allergy medicine?
Go ahead. Guess. I'll wait.
________________________
You're right.
NOTHING.
Did that stop me?
Oh no.
I took about FIVE different kinds of allergy medicine before I realized it was a cold and not my allergies.
So I had a blast with my sisters on Saturday, flew back to Idaho on Sunday (which, with a bad cold, was NOT a pleasant experience) and spent Monday either asleep or lying in bed hacking and watching The Muppet Show.
Yesterday I managed to drag myself out of bed to go to my microbiology lab in which I handled BACTERIA. Now, does that seem smart to you? Doesn't it sound like I already have enough of my own to deal with?
And today I am at school again.
I should still be in bed.
And with my sisters.
Which brings me back to my earlier point: I hate being sick.

Buzzard Meat

I was lying in my parent's back yard today. And several thoughts occurred to me.
So I shall share them with you, in no particular order.
1. If I write letters to celebrities and don't mail them then the celebrities will never read them. If I write letters to celebrities and mail them the celebrities will probably never read them. It seems that I have embarked on a rather useless endeavor.
2. I wonder if the buzzards think I am food.
3. I'm lying on the blanket that my sister and I used to use for a bedspread when we shared a room and a bed. Those were interesting times. She's a kicker. (in more ways than one!)
4. Referring to said bedspread: I remember the time I plopped down on that bed and the entire bed frame cracked apart. Not good for the old self-esteem, that one.
5. My head hurts.
6. Our dachshund has a lot of very long black hair. How in the world does he lie out here in the sun? I'd be dang hot.
That's pretty much it.
Oh, but I will tell you one more thing.
I was in the grocery store today and stopped at the end of an aisle to check my list. And I heard a mooing sound.
It was coming from the refrigerated milk section. Yes, the entire wall of milk was mooing at me.
I must confess, I'm a little puzzled at the person who designed this device. "Ah, these people are too stupid for words! Just putting a picture of a cow on a carton will never be good enough! It needs something more!! I've got it! I'll make the entire wall MOO! No one will be able to miss that!!"
I might not be a genius, Mr. Moo-in-the-wall, but I think I had it figured out ok.

Begin at the Beginning

Ah hah!
So, it seems I have begun the process of becoming a regular blogger. Why, you ask? Am I exceptionally interesting and riddled with exciting stories of daring adventures?
No.
If you're looking for excitement I suggest you rent Die Hard. Or ride a bicycle past a grocery store without wearing pants.
I started this blog to inform the general public of my general musings on life. I find them funny so you might too. Plus I have a lot of dreams at the moment; a lot of things I'd like to do. And as none of them are happening yet I'd like to share them with people.
If you're silly enough to read them I think you deserve whatever happens to you.
This particular first blog is, as yet, entirely uninteresting. That is because it's 10:30 and my brain has ceased to work. As I will no doubt eventually explain, my body labors under the impression that I am 90. And about to croak. All I'm missing is the inevitable "old lady" smell.
So that's all for now.
Feel free to leave me a comment and let me know what you think and if you have any ideas as to how I can make this blog better.
Just don't tell me to change my personality.
I've tried; the refund policy is crap.
Until next time.