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Here's the thing.
I take a bunch of medication. Right? Those little pills that make you happy and keep you from shooting paint balls at teenagers in the mall who give you the stink eye.
These marvelous little tablets have the rather unfortunate side effect of keeping me awake at night. So I also take sleeping pills.
And occasionally, because I am stupid, I run out of them.
It always happens. I see the bottle at night, with the little pills at the bottom and think, "Oh. Not many in there. I should do something about that." Then I toddle off to bed and laugh myself silly.
This goes on for several days.
Then one night I notice that there are only two or three left. At this point I will use the phone and call the refill number. But because I live in Idaho and the prescription is from a doctor in Texas this means that my lovely parents then have to pick up the prescription and mail it to me.
This usually takes more days than I have pills.
So I end up like I have been for the past two nights.
Rolling about like a madwoman, begging the sleep gods for mercy, eating PB & J sandwiches at 3:45 am and talking morosely to a stuffed polar bear I bought at the Portland Zoo 3 years ago.
And whose fault is it?
MINE.
The night before last I ate 4 Unisom. (You're not supposed to do that, FYI.) As another FYI, they didn't work. I'm not sure how that happened. They're a lovely blue color and they seem quite nice. So I'm not sure why they chose to give me the proverbial finger. Last night I took 2 and that didn't work either. I debated taking more but decided it was probably a hopeless endeavor.
Anyways. I'm told they're not supposed to give you a "hangover" but maybe that's only if you follow the directions.
Today I feel delightfully wonky.
As I did yesterday.
Hence the title of the post. It describes my state of mind perfectly. Mr. Webster, unfortunately, did not seem to have a more "kosher" description.
Someday I shall write my own dictionary. And fill it up with ridiculous words and meaningless phrases. It will be wildly popular and I'll make a million billion dollars.
With which I shall buy a pharmacy and never worry about this whole problem again.
It all sounds so perfect, don't you think?