Waiting (thoughts from the inside)

Hello friends! To all of you out there who still might find the random musings of my life interesting, I say a warm hello. A large "meh" to the rest of the world. 

So the last blog I wrote was WAY back in March (or May?) before graduation from nursing school, the national nursing boards exam, my 30th birthday, etc., etc. 
A lot of changes, but a lot of NO changes too. 

Let me explain... 
So I graduated nursing school in May (yay me!) and then I took the NCLEX exam and passed (yay me again!) so now I'm officially a registered nurse. This is what I worked for for 15 LONG months. The fact that it's over is still a bit surreal. 
But probably not so surreal for the rest of my classmates. That is because, you see, they all have jobs. They're happily "nurse-ing" away at different locations around Texas. (And one in Wyoming.) 

Me? I'm sitting here. Yep, just sittin' away. Slowly gaining weight and becoming dull-witted. 
Why, you ask? 
I'll tell you. It's because I, alone out of 30 people, can not find a job. 
Have I applied, you ask? 
Yes, I say. To well over 50 positions. 
But they do not want me. I have not been called for a single interview. 
Nada. 
Zip. 
Zero. 
Zilch. 

No one, it seems, has looked upon my application with favor and decided that I'm worth a quick glance. From April to September, week after week, application after application, I have been passed over and told, "Thanks, but no thanks." 

Why is that? I don't know. I can think of PLENTY of reasons, but I sincerely hope they're all untrue and just coming out of an increasingly deluded mind. 

What do I do with my days, you might wonder. What does one do when faced with an eternity of NOT being the only thing you want to be, you may ponder. 
Well I already told you. I sit here. And watch tv on the internet. And play stupid computer games. And talk to my dog. (He's wonderfully supportive.) And slowly, slowly lose confidence that I will ever get to use the skills I worked SO hard to learn. It's not like I can go temp somewhere while waiting for something permanent. Nursing doesn't work that way. 

So I wait. And I sit. And I wonder... 
What was all that work for? 
Why did go to nursing school? 
When will I finally get a chance to do something I literally ache to do? 
Because I'll tell you, it's no use being a nurse if you can't actually nurse anybody. I suppose it's a bit like a carpenter without thumbs. 

Forgive me the wallowing post, friends. Maybe soon I'll be able to give a lighter, happier, sillier update.  

But I doubt it.