Bike lanes

Here's the thing.
I'm not against people who ride bikes. I think bicycles are just peachy. I haven't been on one in years but I'm sure they're just as lovely as I remember.
Oh, I sense a Memory Bubble floating by.
My first bike was a hand-me-down from an older girl at our church but I didn't care. It was kind of white with pinky-purple accents and had a white wicker basket on the front with two little smiling bears on the front. And it had pink and purple streamers that came from the handle bars. I loved it.
And because we lived in the boonies a little bit (we lived BETWEEN counties. How is that even possible?) I learned to ride it on gravel roads. Yes, lovely, lovely gravel. Quite unforgiving, that stuff. And I had no training wheels. It was just hop up there and get started. On gravel. Did I mention that already?
But once I got the hang of it (which I did in ONE afternoon. BOOYAH!) I loved riding it. And I rode it quite a bit. Sometimes my mom would back the car out of the garage and I would even get to experience what it was like to ride on concrete. Those were special days.
Stop laughing.
Anyways. Riding around our little subdivision was pretty easy because there wasn't a lot of traffic. Your only real concern was keeping upright and not losing control. You know, because of the GRAVEL. But eventually I outgrew my little pinky-purple bike and never got another one. My older sister had one, and occasionally she'd let me borrow it but it had SUPER skinny tires and she had a couple of really bad accidents on it (again, on behalf the gravel, but we're not bitter) so the draw to ride it wasn't very strong.
But we never had to worry about bike lanes and other nonsense like that. Because we were in the Boonies, you see.
Now I've lived in lots of places and most of them have these so-called "bike lanes."
*scoff*
You know what they actually are, right?
Places for bikers TO AVOID.
Because you're driving along, minding you own business and up ahead you see a person riding a bicycle. And you think, "Oh good. There's a lovely bike lane right next to me. So I don't have to worry about this bicycle person."
WRONG.
Because apparently these people have been misinformed about the actual purpose of the bike lane. They seem to think they are supposed to come as close as possible to the lane without actually crossing into it. It's like the lava game you used to play in PE. Remember? You walk the straight line on the balance beam and if you fall off you're in the lava and have to start again?
Bike person: Oooh, I'm a little wobbly... Oh! I almost crossed the line! Almost in the lava! Then I'd have to pedal home and start ALL OVER! I MUST NOT CROSS THE LINE!! Man, these cars are close.. Don't they know the game? Damn motorists...
So the poor driver is thinking, "I'm safe, I'm safe, nice little bike person, stay in your lane... AAAAAHHHH!!!!"
And occasionally you get the bike people who are straddling the line while riding the WRONG WAY. Like, directly against the flow of traffic! Which is illegal! And they give YOU the evil eye when you happen to brush those ridiculously tight Spandex shorts with your side mirror!
Things like this worry me. You'd think the general populace would be smarter than this. But again, apparently not. It gives me such misgivings about our future as a species.
What's next? People who won't use crosswalks that are 15 feet from them?