Behind you!

I was driving home today and passed under a highway sign that said, "Look twice. Motorcycles are everywhere."
It made me think of this SNL sketch I saw once where cobras had taken over this plane. And at the end of the sketch this cobra was talking about how they were going to take over the world. "When you roll over to put your arm around your lover you'll find... ME! When you reach into your hatbox for your favorite hat you'll find... ME!"
So I immediately started picturing little evil cartoon motorcycles leaping out and leaving evil tread marks on unsuspecting foreheads around the globe. "Mwuahahahaha.....ZOOM!"

Anyway.
Today I'd like to talk about 3 songs that are highly stalker-like, very disturbing, and therefore highly enjoyable.

1. The Police - Every Breath You Take
This is the old Stalker stand-by song. This is the George McFly look-a-like hiding in the bushes across the street with the binoculars song. And this is a song performed by a group called The Police. I always thought Policemen were the good guys. You know, supposed to make you feel safe and protected and all that. Not the guys that make you want to hide in the basement with a shotgun. "Every breath you take, every move you make, every BOND you break..." He's even got a line in there about posthumous watching should you do him in and get out on bail! Creepy, Sting. Very creepy.
2. Enrique Iglesias - Escape
Ok. Now when I first heard this song the lyrics I heard were, "You can run, you can DIE, but you can't escape my love." Needless to say, I was rather shocked. Was Enrique saying that you'd have to literally leave the planet to get rid of him? Surely there are laws against that kind of thing. I was only slightly relieved to learn that the actual lyrics are, 'You can run, you can HIDE, but you can't escape my love." Now maybe it's because I'm a woman but if someone I loved decided to RUN and HIDE from me I think I might get the idea that maybe the relationship wasn't going to last. But do your thing, Enrique. Hope it works out for you, man.
3. Billy Ocean - Get Outta My Dreams Get Into My Car
Now this song isn't so much stalker-y as just plain misogynistic. But you can kind of imagine old Billy following this woman around in his car before actually yelling at her to get into his car so I included it on my list. I don't know if you've ever listened to the lyrics closely, but here are Billy's bellows to the woman of his dreams:
1. HEY YOU!
2. GET INTO MY CAR!
3. YES, YOU! GET INTO MY CAR!
4. Get in the BACKSEAT, baby.
5. Touch my bumper.
6. Get it while you can.
7. I SAID OPEN THE DOOR!
Repeat, repeat, etc. Well, ladies, I'm blown away. If my next date doesn't say these exact words it's a deal breaker.


P.S. The day before yesterday my Dad stuck his finger into a hedge trimmer. He then required 4-5 stitches. Here's what gets me about the whole thing. After sticking said appendage into the rotating vortex of death and dismemberment, my father saw the geyser of blood and put his finger IN HIS MOUTH. It must be a guy thing. My first reaction (which I did not say aloud) was to think, "Dad, do you realize you have over 600 types of bacteria living in your mouth?"
*sigh*
But then again, this is the same man who refuses to hire a lawn service and insists on mowing the lawn in 95 degree weather in his SWEATPANTS.