And he happens to be gay.
Yes, quite definitely gay. To quote a character in Love Actually, "Gay as a Maypole."
Hence the title of this post. There are several reasons that the silliness quotient of said infatuation is around a 98. Here are a few of them:
1. As I said, he's gay. As in, he would find absolutely nothing about me attractive. Just being me automatically makes me a losing candidate. It's rather a sad reality. The fact that I am female works against me, which has never been a factor in other failed relationship attempts. In those cases it's usually my personality. But, moving on....
2. He's famous. So even if he weren't gay I still would have no chance with him. He lives in Los Angeles; land of the perpetually tan, surgically enhanced (or de-enhanced), physically flawless, ready-to-do-ANYTHING-for-a-shot-at-the-big-time young women. Thinking of another movie, My Best Friend's Wedding, when you have thousands of pieces of creme brulee to choose from, you're not likely to pick the lime Jello with bits of pear floating in it.
I hate Jello. Gelatinous goo is nobody's friend. I don't care how you package it, what you call it, what you put inside of it, or how desperately you try to cajole me into eating it. It's gross. But I digress.
3. He's famous some more. How do you meet people like that? Head to LA, wander around WalMart and hope they drop in?
"Here's the plan. I'll wait over by the disposable razors and you stake out the produce department."
I suppose you could always lurk outside his apartment or gym or something, but I believe that's technically called stalking. You just might end up sharing a cell with a large woman named Wanda who doesn't shave and really wants to share your underpants.
4. Did I mention he's gay?
5. Things like that just don't happen to people like me. Normal people, like myself, do not end up marrying movie stars, or pop music artists, NFL players, international politicians, NASCAR drivers, foreign diplomats, etc, etc. (Oh, and by the way I'm TOTALLY fine with not getting into the whole NASCAR thing...) I guess I'm meant for more of the "normal" life. But have you ever had the feeling like you're "supposed" to do more than just live a "normal" life? Maybe that's a weird vanity or false pride thing. Maybe it's a delusion of grandeur. Maybe I'm just nuts. And this latter option, friends, is by far the most likely.
So! Now that you know some more of the crazy that goes on inside my brain I'll just wish you a happy Thursday and continue along my merry, yet slightly zany, way. I'm sure Neil would do that same. :)
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